is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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