My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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