youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
