I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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