That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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