He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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