Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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