I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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