I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
