she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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