the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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