im six kinds of drunk right now
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
