theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
