matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
