It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
