If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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