i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
