dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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