i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
