he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
