Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
