we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm just crazy horny about you
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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