direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
