Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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