I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
