If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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