The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
