There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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