My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
only you would photoshop your dick
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
