Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Buhtt sex?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
