So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
