And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
