seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
