Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
