it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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