Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Sober January is a disaster.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
