One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize