k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
