Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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