Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
