Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I met the friendliest cop last night
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize