im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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