I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
