Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
