You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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