Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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