I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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