like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Barsexuality is the new black.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
