Jerry, you need to find god
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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