i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
