you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
