PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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