maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
