you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
