very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
