I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
