Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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