I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
