you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
