I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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