I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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