david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
