I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
